Assam Milk Tea (Apple)

Couched entirely in Chinese this drink was a true enigma placed neatly between regular teas and other juices.

Immediately recognisable on the tetrapak is a green apple and a horse and cart. Both horse and driver look equally stunned.. either by the apple or the fact that they regretted drinking the beverage straight after a hard curry.

Either way thanks to the marvels of post package labelling, I can happily say that Assam's have created somewhat of a monstrosity from water, sugar, milk powder, black tea and apple flavour.

Yes, I can hear you now, the flavours of green apple and milk have finally been combined into a conveniently packaged box of joy. Unfortunately, the most expedient way to describe it that it's not offensive but the more you drink it the less you want to drink more.

The combination of apple and milk is a bit like 2 Mexican fighting fish. When placed closely together both items are enjoyable, the fish swim calmly while the milk and apple lie inert for everyone to enjoy. However when placed together, the fish manically try to rip each other apart in a major ruckus - which is much like the effect in your stomach after several sips of Milk Tea (Apple). Who knew that apple and milk when combined would be so volatile.. besides anyone in their right mind. The fact that it doesn't immediately curdle is a miracle in itself.

Now I know why the horse and driver look so stunned. Obviously the driver had milk for himself and an apple for his equine companion, however as the fates had decided both ingredients were combined and ingested.. much to the utter disgust of both.

Perhaps the final straw in this concoction is that the tetrapak is a mammoth "400", which the drinks master assumes is millilitres (although by the time one gets the end of the pack (and congratulations if you do) it seems like 400 gigalitres.

Would I recommend to people I like - probably not
Would I drink it again - not unless I was feeling masochistic
Would I mix apples and milk in any other liquid form - no