Welcome back drinks fans to another exciting brew review!
Today's experience takes us far across the Asian continent to the land of Pakistan, known for its love of cricket, ongoing passionate debate with India and of course the Markhor (aka the grumpy bearded cousin to the unicorn).
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| Grumpy Unicorn Wannabe |
When they are not enthralled by Shane Warne's flipper, the guys over at Hamdard Laboratories (the house of herbal products) spend their time whipping up herbal remedies to promote Unani medicine. According to the Hamdard website the span of its products can pretty much cure all diseases known to man - rather bold claims if nothing more. Rooh Afza is no exception as it is claimed as "one that enhances the spirit and uplift the
soul, for the last 90 years, [and] is a legendary syrup of the East." Further to this Roof Afza is "acknowledged" (by Imran Khan perhaps) to:
- combat the enervating summer heat:
- replenish lost strength;
- satisfy thirst completely;
- keep you cool in scorching summers; and
- makes you feel fresh and energized.
Unfortunately Hamdard has had its share of misfit adventures, as a
product was noted in March 2005 by Health Canada that [it] was: "found
to contain arsenic levels in excess of 40 times the maximum allowable
concentration for drugs." Whoopsy doodle!
In any event, whoever prepared the English version of the Rooh Afza product blurb on the Hamdard site needs to be presented with a Pulitzer prize. With such statements as:
- "for the last 90 years, there has been no incredulity about Rooh Afza's functions"
- "the top selling cold drink of its kind not only in Pakistan but also amongst the millions living in USA, Canada, Australia, Japan, and the Middle East including the Arab world and the U.K"
- "Rooh Afza activates a sensation of satisfaction and tranquility that cannot be gainsaid"
- "...always offers a pleasant, soulful experience."
the Drinks Master is surprised you are still reading and haven't already left for the local supermarket to procure a slab of Rooh Azfa bottles for your personal bar fridge.
All bashful claims aside, let's look at this stuff shall we? Rooh Afza comes in a large plastic bottle with a rather ornate cap proudly stating its Pakistani origin.
Tilting a full bottle one would not notice the thick syrupy nature of RA, as the top of the liquid is tightly bound under the cap. Removal of the cap however releases enough pressure to allow the syrup to slightly congeal and indicate that quaffing straight from the bottle would be a bad idea.
Inspection of the rear of the bottle reveals some fairly exotic ingredients, such as distillate of fragrant screw pine (also known as Pandan) together with an absolute motherlode of sugar (from 800ml 760 of it is sugar!!) For those lacking in English, the ingredients are also conveniently listed in German. Perhaps one of the more curious warnings on the bottle reads "do not store below 20 [degrees Celsius]", which would be quite a challenging feat in most climates but perhaps not so in Pakistan. What happens when the product drops below 20C.. who dares find out?
Pouring a small quantity of yumminess into a glass reveals a very thick sticky, yet dazzling, red elixir. Rolling it around in the glass evokes a somewhat disturbing likeness to blood.
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| Dracula says 'yes' |
RA is recommended to be mixed with lemonade, milk, water or even used as an ice cream topping. Drinks Master elected to try each extrapolation with the exception of milk, which just seemed a little too zany.
Mixing with water was actually more challenging than one might think. RA does not blend of its own accord, and requires substantial stirring and agitation lest the drinker be met with red water and sugar sludge at the bottom of the glass. However after getting the balance of blood and water just right RA tastes like a mixture of Turkish delight and rose water but with a very distinct aftertaste... say camel urine?
This will blow your mind!
Mixing with lemonade yielded better but not perfect results, making an already very sweet drink into a criminally irresponsible riot version of red cordial... on steroids. Keep this one away from the kiddies lest they start climbing the walls or crab walking ala the Exorcist from the sugar and red food dye high.
After jabbing himself with an insulin pen to avert a catastrophic blood sugar implosion it seemed appropriate to engage time lapse photography to confirm the outrageous levels of sugar in RA that would send the most athletic person straight to Type 2 Diabetes. Note the bottle on the left at purchase, followed by the bottle on the right some 6 months later together with the mud like gathering of pure sugar at the base of the bottle. The Drinks Master was tempted to distill that product and hock it to the young teenies at the beach for that [un]natural exuberant high.
Pure Cut
RA on ice cream was an interesting affair, again with the overpowering sweetness and pungent afterglow of camel pee tarnishing an otherwise enjoyable dessert. Undiluted, RA is a pretty strong sugar slurp not for the uninitiated.
In short the Drinks Master can understand why RA is claimed to "make you feel fresh and energized", as the amount of sugar in this brew is mind blowing. Forget Fizz Whizz, forget Fruit Loops, you want that sugar rush that will propel you to jump over a three storey building in a single bound then this is your drug. Just make sure you don't mind a bit of camel pee, as it's a tough act to follow.
