DeDe Pennywort Drink

Fear me, for I am wort!

Hello drinks fans!  Here’s hoping the beverage world is treating you kindly and quenching both your physical and spiritual thirsts.

Today’s review is of DeDe’s delightful, delectable yet Delphian Pennywort Drink.  Pennywort, according to our friends at Wikipedia is yet another form of miraculous herb that, for some reason unbeknownst to the writer, should quite clearly form the vast majority of one’s daily diet, eg:

“can act as a cerebral tonic”

“revitalize the brain and nervous system, increase attention span and concentration, and combat aging”

Don’t stop there though.  Are your limbs falling off? Do you suffer from embarrassing skin loss? Well, your worries are over my friend.  Just one snort of this stuff and your open sores and leprosy are but a thing of the past.

However there are some oddities mixed in with the miracles, including this curious statement:

“In Indian and Southeast Asian centella, the plant frequently suffers from high levels of bacterial contamination, possibly from having been harvested from sewage ditches. Because the plant is aquatic, it is especially sensitive to pollutants in the water, which are easily incorporated into the plant.”

I’m not sure about you, but this sounds like superhero creating material.. move over Peter Parker’s radioactive spider, go home Green Lantern because sewerage infested yum yums are here!  Ok, ok, mockery aside, let’s get down to it shall we?

Flash on..

First impressions of Pennywort drink, ugh just the name alone “wort” sounds terrible, are far from sensational.  The brew is secured by a metal tab, which unlike many other concoctions sampled to date, was removed with ease. 

Pouring the contents from the bottle into a glass conjured images of scooping pond slime from a stagnant cess pit.  The stuff pours like sludge from a chain smoker’s lungs.  Once fully evacuated from the bottle, third party commentary provided such visual descriptive gems as:

“water from a turtle enclosure at the zoo”  and “rancid water from an old vase”

Further to this, not only did it look like pond slime, it smelt like pond slime having produced a dirty sweet celery or “vegetable smoothie” like aroma.

Steeling his resolve, your hero took his first sip and was presented with a thick, mildly sweet liquid that was thicker than water but not quite at pond slime viscosity.  A short gargle procured initial hints of old syrupy tea, you know, the one that grandma made the night before and left out on the table that you (as an innocent 3 year old) mistakenly thought would be a good idea to try when she wasn’t looking.  Ahh the memories...

Flash off..

After the first brush with horror, Pennywort Drink leaves an unpleasant yet mildly insulting aftertaste of burnt celery planted in decaying flowers.  The main drama however was the longer term effects.  As each sip was followed by a concerned "hmmm", your heroes stomach followed with a resounding grumble.  By the end of the bottle there were viciously unpleasant noises emanating from the depths of the intestinal tract.  Don’t drink it hung over, unless your intention is to induce severe projectile vomiting.

It would seem that reviewers across the globe agree that pennywort does not equate to the nectar of the gods, with comments such as:

"This drink tastes humid." and "I'd have a hard time finishing a whole can of it. One more sip. Ugh." - Too Many Chefs 

http://www.toomanychefs.com/archives/001136.php

"I put it in a clear, plastic cup and I couldn't see my hand on the other side." and "If I was trapped on an island and a case of this washed up on shore, I'd drink it, but until then, I'll let someone else do it." - Thirsty Dudes 

http://www.thirstydudes.com/review/176

"Feels like you're drinking a thin sweet swamp" (translated) - せかいののみもの (the World's Drinks) http://blog.livedoor.jp/sekainonomimono/archives/65621518.html

The Drink’s Master wholeheartedly agrees.  If you’ve always wondered what pond slime tastes like, but couldn’t bend over far enough or isolate yourself from your parents or guardian long enough, then here’s your chance.  Get it in to ya’ and watch how fast you’ll get it out of ya’.  Blergh!