Mysterious Prune Drink

Happy New Year to you drinks fans!

Here we are in the new year, and a new drinks cave, to make merry with the most high spirited of drinks or die horribly in the process.

Today’s offering is a mysterious brew purchased in an interstate supermarket nary to be seen again.  Entitled “Prune Drink” in English, the remainder of its content and origin shall remain a mystery thanks to the Drinks Master’s illiteracy in Chinese.  However one reassuring visual cue was the ring of “MMMMMMMMMMMM” stamped prominently on the lid – surely evidence of sound of deliciousness.  A brief crawl of the online world revealed that the brew was known in various restaurants of the world, although remained an unnamed mystery beyond “Prune Juice”.  It shall therefore be forever known as “Mysterious Prune Drink”.

Prunes are commonly thought to aid in the relief of constipation, as they are rather high in fibre.  Word to the wise: don’t guzzle prune juice lest you wish to get to know your local commode on a much... much more intimate basis.  Prunes are also chock full of sugar, “One serving of prune juice accounts for 80 percent of the recommended daily sugar intake if you are a woman and 53 percent of the recommended daily sugar intake if you are a man” (http://www.livestrong.com/article/468770-drinking-prune-juice-before-meals/#ixzz2GytyvG77)

Prunes, as we all know, are merely dried plums so it may be more logical to consider this more a plum drink.  However, not fazed by the dire risk of diarrhoea, your hero took the plunge (into the drink not the toilet) with gusto.   

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less

Mysterious Prune Drink comes in a small portly glass bottle secured by a metal screw cap, which reminded your hero of the ‘Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch’ from Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail.  The metal screw cap served to be a mighty adversary, which was puzzling given that the stereotypical audience of prune intake are older citizens.  But, after some grunting and squeezing, the cap released with a loud ‘thock’!

Inspection of the opened vessel revealed no noticeable odour or curious floaties, foam or fizz; just a watery brown liquid (expect to see that again if you drink too much).  Discharge into the standard model Drinks Master assessment vessel (aka glass) introduced no surprise effects, explosions or aural discord.

First sips released a sweet yet smokey fruit drink, which provided distinct, yet subtle, hints of prune.  Further slurps culminated in a flavour akin to flat weak cola.  Overall the flavour wasn't offensive, but it was unnecessarily sweet, likely due to added sugar.  Perhaps this is the underdeveloped palette’s version of a more sophisticated brew?  It’s difficult to advise what this drink would best be paired with, aside from a newspaper or a good book.

Having consumed a full 300ml bottle of Mysterious Prune Drink, the Drinks Master now lays in wait for the intestinal malarkey that may follow.  Stay tuned drinks fans, for a more spritely and cleansed reviewer is on the horizon.

Thanh - The: Soya Bean Drink

Hello drinks fans!

Apologies for the lenghty delay in brew reviews!  The Drinks Master has been undergoing relocation of the Drinks Cave, which has diverted his time from beverage ingestion to moving box de-congestion.

However, in the relocation your hero took the opportunity to lighten the load by drinking rather than moving potential goods-in-transit.  The result is a short brew review of Thanh-The's green Soya Bean Drink.

mmmm Soylent Green

The Drinks Master has been intrigued by soya bean drinks for years, particularly those that were of a colour one would not usually associate with adjectives such as "fresh", "appealing" or "safe".  In that light, when perusing the wares of a local Asian supermarket when in dire need of refreshment lead to the acquisition of the aforementioned product.

Soya based softener

Thanh-The is a local producer  (relative to the Drinks Master) of what appears to be a Vietnamese treat. This particular offering was presented in delectable forest fresh fabric softer green, although other options of off-white and pink were available; perhaps for future consideration?  Thanh-The have taken the simple packaging structure of a plastic PET bottle, no frills labeling all easily accessed via a simple screw top.

Upon opening, Soya Bean Drink smelt curiously like tofu, with a faint sweet after tone.  The consistency of the product was akin to a thin milk, although no milk mustache was imparted from a brash swig from the bottle.  Noting the olfactory impact, SBD's first impact on the taste buds was unsurprisingly akin to liquefied tofu.

Now the Drinks Master understands that many folk don't like tofu, and admittedly it is an acquired taste.  Fortunately DM is quite impartial to a soya based hit, and so while the initial tofu blast was not gag worthy to the master, rookie gulpers may have otherwise spurted a soya spray across their hapless drinking partners.  

The question remains, was it a thirst quencher?  Unfortunately no, but it certainly weighed tenuously in the stomach immolating any short term appetite for food.   SBD could be well marketed as a natural appetite suppressant; are you paying attention Thanh-The?

Having sampled a variety of bean based drinks in his time, your hero was glad to have finally partaken of the mysterious green soya and removed it from the list of unknown delicacies of the liquid spectrum. However his desire to relive the experience was hardly voracious.  

If tofu is your game, and the thought of liquefying it with sugar cane sounds like your version of ambrosia, then you are in luck.  If however you are like the other 99% of the population... well you know what they say...

DeDe Pennywort Drink

Fear me, for I am wort!

Hello drinks fans!  Here’s hoping the beverage world is treating you kindly and quenching both your physical and spiritual thirsts.

Today’s review is of DeDe’s delightful, delectable yet Delphian Pennywort Drink.  Pennywort, according to our friends at Wikipedia is yet another form of miraculous herb that, for some reason unbeknownst to the writer, should quite clearly form the vast majority of one’s daily diet, eg:

“can act as a cerebral tonic”

“revitalize the brain and nervous system, increase attention span and concentration, and combat aging”

Don’t stop there though.  Are your limbs falling off? Do you suffer from embarrassing skin loss? Well, your worries are over my friend.  Just one snort of this stuff and your open sores and leprosy are but a thing of the past.

However there are some oddities mixed in with the miracles, including this curious statement:

“In Indian and Southeast Asian centella, the plant frequently suffers from high levels of bacterial contamination, possibly from having been harvested from sewage ditches. Because the plant is aquatic, it is especially sensitive to pollutants in the water, which are easily incorporated into the plant.”

I’m not sure about you, but this sounds like superhero creating material.. move over Peter Parker’s radioactive spider, go home Green Lantern because sewerage infested yum yums are here!  Ok, ok, mockery aside, let’s get down to it shall we?

Flash on..

First impressions of Pennywort drink, ugh just the name alone “wort” sounds terrible, are far from sensational.  The brew is secured by a metal tab, which unlike many other concoctions sampled to date, was removed with ease. 

Pouring the contents from the bottle into a glass conjured images of scooping pond slime from a stagnant cess pit.  The stuff pours like sludge from a chain smoker’s lungs.  Once fully evacuated from the bottle, third party commentary provided such visual descriptive gems as:

“water from a turtle enclosure at the zoo”  and “rancid water from an old vase”

Further to this, not only did it look like pond slime, it smelt like pond slime having produced a dirty sweet celery or “vegetable smoothie” like aroma.

Steeling his resolve, your hero took his first sip and was presented with a thick, mildly sweet liquid that was thicker than water but not quite at pond slime viscosity.  A short gargle procured initial hints of old syrupy tea, you know, the one that grandma made the night before and left out on the table that you (as an innocent 3 year old) mistakenly thought would be a good idea to try when she wasn’t looking.  Ahh the memories...

Flash off..

After the first brush with horror, Pennywort Drink leaves an unpleasant yet mildly insulting aftertaste of burnt celery planted in decaying flowers.  The main drama however was the longer term effects.  As each sip was followed by a concerned "hmmm", your heroes stomach followed with a resounding grumble.  By the end of the bottle there were viciously unpleasant noises emanating from the depths of the intestinal tract.  Don’t drink it hung over, unless your intention is to induce severe projectile vomiting.

It would seem that reviewers across the globe agree that pennywort does not equate to the nectar of the gods, with comments such as:

"This drink tastes humid." and "I'd have a hard time finishing a whole can of it. One more sip. Ugh." - Too Many Chefs 

http://www.toomanychefs.com/archives/001136.php

"I put it in a clear, plastic cup and I couldn't see my hand on the other side." and "If I was trapped on an island and a case of this washed up on shore, I'd drink it, but until then, I'll let someone else do it." - Thirsty Dudes 

http://www.thirstydudes.com/review/176

"Feels like you're drinking a thin sweet swamp" (translated) - せかいののみもの (the World's Drinks) http://blog.livedoor.jp/sekainonomimono/archives/65621518.html

The Drink’s Master wholeheartedly agrees.  If you’ve always wondered what pond slime tastes like, but couldn’t bend over far enough or isolate yourself from your parents or guardian long enough, then here’s your chance.  Get it in to ya’ and watch how fast you’ll get it out of ya’.  Blergh!

Chin Chin Lotus Oatmeal

Top of the day to you drinks fans!  Today's expedition into the world of beverages takes us to Taiwan and the good guys at King Lucky Food Ind. Corp who have generously produced and packed the hearty Chin Chin Lotus Oatmeal.  Unfortunately due to the Drinks Masters' incredibly busy schedule (or pure malingering) this review comes far later than intended, and the latter part without notes (they were lost in the war).  On this basis today’s review may be somewhat shorter than usual.  Drinks Master offers his most humble apologies.  Anyway on to the review...

Supplied in a solid can that no ordinary mortal could crush with their bare hands, CCLO is depicted  more like a meal than a drink by the bowl of "soup" shown on the label.  CCLO even comes with its own convenient fold out spoon packed neatly under the plastic lid for your munching pleasure.

Apparently "all delicious" cool or hot CCLO the Drinks Master elected to take his brew cold in this taste test, as his can of CCLO had been resting in the Drinks Cave fridge for quite some time.  However in this instance your hero arose from slumber  wholeheartedly starving, upon which he judged the only time that CCLO may actually be appealing to attempt to consume and digest.  


Thus the can was popped. Popping of said can was more difficult than first pondered however, as CCLO has a stiff plastic lid with rather sharp edges affixed to the top of the can, perhaps as a deterrent to young children and the enfeebled from what lies within.  However the Drinks Master being in possession of many fine drinking tools (ie: crusty old ball point pens) eventually managed to pry off the cap with minimal swearing and physical harm with the aid of neatly cut holes in the cap's side.

Removing the can lid via the pull back tab one is presented with a grim view of compressed gluggy slop topped with a viscous opaque liquid.  



Olfactory investigation reveals a strong corn scent muddled slightly with a sweetish vanilla fragrance.  Peering into the void conjures images of baby food, vomit and gruel.
Deciding to pour out the contents, it was clearly apparent that a bowl would be a more suitable receptacle over a glass.  As the mixture is a combination of chunks and liquid, having sat for so long in the can, a quick pour empties the liquid sans  chunks.  Sampling the liquid one is treated to a sweetish corn flavoured 'juice'.  It’s not wholly unpleasant, but not super tasty either.  Unfortunately what this does do is leave the ‘chunks’ without a supporting flavour.  Sampling the chunks with the supplied spoon all that is delivered is a mouthful of mushy neutrality. Chickpeas, corn, oats and other flavourless goodies, while providing ample sustenance, do not deliver on the ‘yumminess’ factor.

mmmm... chunky

However, in a famished state it’s not that hard to force down. Certainly if you were stuck in a frozen wasteland this stuff could keep you going for quite some time. While the Drinks Master opted to “save some for later” it was ultimately discarded into the bin, as after a day it really does not look appealing at all (picture last night’s vomit sitting in a bowl in your fridge).



In subsequent visits to various supermarkets, a number of competing brands have been sighted.  In order to properly give just to CCLO it would seem that another product will need to be sampled.  Keep your eyes peeled!

A Drinking Drought

Apologies drinks fans, the Drinks Master has been cavorting across the globe for some time... but never fear he will return shortly with more action packed reviews!

Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down....

We're now at  the 3 week mark, so it's time to get the vodka out of the body locker... er cupboard and survey the results.

Eye ball stew

Looking good so far....  sugar time!  Comrade Smirnoff gets 160gm while General Poliakov gets 200gm before returning to the gulag.

Sweet red treats

Homebrew Sour Cherry Vodka

Not to be outdone by Woongjin, Aloe or Paldo the Drinks Master has embarked on an adventure of his own.... home brew!

In approximately one and a half months two batches of the finest sour cherry vodka will be ready and put to the taste test.  Will Smirnoff or Polikov produce a meaner brew? Only time will tell.